Thursday, March 31, 2005

The Big Boost

Well, yesterday was a very big boost for me. The blood test results came up - not detectable for hep c virus. Pretty damn cool. And such a relief. I didn't realize how tightly I was wound waiting for this info. When I couldn't stand the anxiety any longer, I called my case manager at Kaiser - "just to check in and see." She had promised to call me the instant she received the results, but she shuffled through the papers on her desk and there the results were. I wonder how long she'd had them. That irritation aside, the news struck me like a hammer blow. My reaction surprised me in its intensity - but why the hell shouldn't I have been emotional. A possible death sentence was being commuted. But that reality was something that I had been keeping at a long distance and now the true seriousness of the past six months (and the next six) was right in my face. I admit I was sobbing. And the tears didn't quit as family and friends got the news and phoned and e-mailed. Their joy sometimes seemed greater than my own. I was very moved and so thankful to have all this good, loving support. Of course, the first person I called with the news was Bev, who was out of town, and I knew waiting as anxiously as I had been. There were not adequate words to express our feelings, and there didn't need to be. Bev has shared this experience with me from the git and I know she'll be there till the end. I am very blessed. So, onward and upward. This has to at least get me through another month or three.

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